it's been a month since i fractuered my leg.. currently i'm still in cast..
been thinking through many things, at times can't help to thank the lord for all the blessings that he had showered upon me.. we're so fortunate here..

these are some of the things that i hope to achieve and want to do by the end of this year..
1) community service in oversea (Thailand/ Taiwan rural area)
this is one of my dreams that i had in the pst which very few people know, cause they will be so surprised and making sarcastic remarks..
"HEY you? you sure? haha i think that's the joke of the life that i heard.."
well i felt there's nothing to explain for this type of comment which i'll be hearing, cause my main purpose is to be a blessing to others for helping out.. it's time i retrn these blessings to those who are in need..

2)Disneyland/ Bangkok
my dreamland DISNEYLAND!!! i simply love the magical moment and that's the time i can go back begin a child.. maybe hugging my favourite characters!!! haha..

been suffering in pain for the past few weeks.. i fractured my leg.. the most amazing part is the unfractured part is the leg that bear the most pain now till i can't do without taking painkiller but somehow the painkiller is not effective not.. is still experience very sharp pain after taking sometimes the pain would make me teared it's just intolerable.. sometimes i don't even remember how many pills i pop in a day..

just when i about to go bonkers i received a call from Grace, which actually i didn;t even want to answer initially as it was private number cum the super pain fom my leg.. she said:have you slept? i said:nope
then how come you never on your room light? lol.. i was shock can you imagine someone bearing the pain actually the mind very blank le.. just then i heard the voice getting closer then i say i get it you're outside my house..
she brought me her mum homemade muah chee!! it was 10plus in the night and i was shocked by her..
though i wanted durian, those bitter durian.. lol..

till now its almost the third week i'm in cast, still on the path of recovery, hope that the pain will go off real soon..
its just bored staying in the house when you cant move around.. the only time that i move is when i need the toilet.. this is how i survived..

having a mixed feeling now..
should i really pen down all my feelings right here?

been thinking through many things, so much that my mind run wild now..
what's the real definition of happiness?
can anyone define to me?
does putting on a smile shows that i'm happy at that very moment?

when was the last time that you've been really happy?
for me, i lost count till i don't even know if i'm really happy at times..
i can be very happy at that moment but at that very moment i can be right down to sadness.. so i hide my emotions, putting on a brave front and smile..
split personality?
gal, its only you who can tell if i'm really happy..

i told myself i don't deserve such treatment and i need a better life..
so much so telling myself everyday repeatedly, at times till i felt tired..
what makes me keep going on is the love and care that i receive from you guys..
my CG people and my bestie..

been attending a few wakes this few months..
somehow life and death is just a line apart..
just returned from jia wei grandpa wake..

somehow, i don't feel like i'm attending one.. everybody seems to be letting go and accepting the fact he's gone..
somehow he can crap so many lame and ridiculous things in front of his late- grandpa..

i'm reminded of my late grandpa now, how he pass away..
i could still remember vividly though its about more than 10years ago..
my grandpa had lung cancer due to long years of smoking thats why i don't like people to smoke.. all of his daughters,sons,grand childrens, we were there to send him off his last journey.. during his last few days, the doctor ask us to bring him back and be prepared for the worse..
the old people always have this old mindset that even if they die they also want to die in their own house.. during his last day, everyone of us went down.. there was one moment i saw my auntie plucking off the breathing tube even though my grandpa was breathing, i was very angry and i really hated her for doing that..
though i was young but i know what i saw..
however, thinking back now, i don't hate my aunt now, i think she's brave enough.. she's letting go of my grandpa ending his sufferings, i can understand the pain of letting go of my grandpa now..

if ever i ever let down of anyone, that will be you..
i did owe you but i'm just sorry, we just couldn't really make another step further..
i don't ever want to lose another dear friend..
this thing has been going on for many years and it will stop eventually..

i'm not looking into any relationship at the moment and i'm focusing onto other areas of my life.. i'm still in the process of healing and i'm glad i made it through.. i won't use a new relationship to get over the previous one as it will hurt more parties.. though some may say to get over a relationship,the best way is to find a new partner but i don't agree..
maybe i'm just obstinate..

fall sick le..
haha.. but it doesn't defeats me..

sometimes i'm wondering what are things that make you feel happy?
for those that are in love, is it the lover that you had or you found someone to accompany you when you're lonely?
it's hard to define at times as we're humans and we will feel lonely therefore we are always in search of finding someone who can make us feel happy..
does using money to buy an relationship that shouldn't have existed really makes us happy? i doubt.. it will not last.. the monetary trading will goes off after a period of time only when you step out of it and take a deeper analysis in this 'monetary cum ai mei' relationship..

somehow, humans are so hard to understand.. why does ones will hurt one another?
scheming thought and trying to win the other party..? but does it really last?


after being through so far till today, there's a conclusion..
those who are closer to us are the ones who we will be hurt by them..
hmm.. its hard to define this but do ponder on it for a few seconds of your life..

felt so much loved by people around me, the love,care and concern that they had showered on me, nevertheless those who never leave me.. the brave one 'Terrence' to scold me and you really make me cry.. and i mean cry.. your powerful scolding do awakens me.. though at that point of time i do hated you for being so harsh on me saying those nasty words.. but after much reflection, actually you took the courage to awaken me.. THANKS!!!

another busy and tiring week..
my legs are breaking soon..
starting to feel a bit old and useless le.. lol..

had been blessed by many people around me..
thanks to those who spend their time down and the delivery... lol..
some people are so jealous of the number of starbucks coffee that i received.. haha.. especially to those who brought down my favourites..
i feel so blessed and being doted to have you guys around me..?

i'm so looking forward to the coming week..
hmm.. many activities lining up and finally i'll be catching up with you guys once again..
this week i will start to pamper myself.. international buffet brunch this sunday..yummy yummy.. i'm drooling soon..
no worry as i will watch out my weight,hehe.. don't want to be overweight and fat as a pig...

i'll be left alone for the next two week at home.. my sister is flying off le.. starting to miss the bickering with her..
hmm, now only can start to miss you le loh.. lol.. drag my sister to had pictures before she fly off.. she is even busier than me having 2 camps and yep this month..
this two weeks only me and my parents will be at home.. boring!

been rather busy lately..
filled up with many activities.. just came back from Genting.. watch Kitaro concert and came back le..
the concert was nice and it lasted for about 2.5hr.. there was encore and he extended the concert by playing another 2pieces.. it was nice.. when Matsuri was played it won the whole crowd of applause.. i suppose most people chose that music for their 1st course presentation.. the concert hall was filled with people and hardly you can spot any empty seats..
though this trip was a bit rush but nice one..

planning to go for the next trip soon.. hopefully this time round can spend more time at the resort.. this time will be beach resort.. haha..

met up with jac and had a heart felt talk with her.. learnt things and gain many useful advise from her..
went to kulai and had dinner.. on the way saw an accident it was a spore car.. the car can go scrape le.. damn cui loh..
after dinner back to spore again..