been very emotional recently.. drops would roll down from my cheeks for no reason and i will eventually start to cry.. appetite isn't good recently.. from friday till now never really eat anything.. things that i've eaten can be only 50gm.. really don't have the appetite and really feeling nauseous..

weather is very cold recently, so my asthma is coming back.. been feeling very breathless, heart beating very fast these few days.. how nice it would be if you were with me..

just finish doing something for him, for our 8months anniversary tommorrow.. we're going for sky dining, i'm so looking forward to tommorrow..

recently, not feeling very secure.. partly the main reason is i have this institution that somebody from his car club fell for him.. though i have tell him this but he doesn't really seem to be bothered.. i know if the girl really fell for him, he can't do anything, but at the very least he should try not to attend so many events when she's around.. dear, at the very least you are reducing the frequency to let her see you.. try to distant her..this will eventually make not make her feel so much for you.. i know you say even when you all are meeting, she will sit close to other guy but the fact is it doesn't stop her from feeling from you.. just like how you feel for me in the past.. you get what i mean? from the trip that time we went to, the way she look at both of us can tell that she feel for you.. this is one of the thing i dare not tell you.. i'm afraid that you will say i sensitive or possesive.. i know the main motive you are meeting the rest not her..
so i don't have the right to stop you from meeting them..but dear, even though i trust you but i will still can't help but feeling insecure.. i don't want to let this afffect us..

anyway, dear 2more hour to our 8month anniversary.. happy 245th day of togetherness!

we're back.. i and him are back together..

i felt alone and neglected.. i don't know why.. i just know girls need someone to pay attention to them always constantly feel loved and being cared.. somehow i feel that the time he spend with me is lesser compared to the time he spent with his friend.. i know i cannot stop him from socialising with them but i felt sometimes a bit over.. 3 consective days in a week accompanying the same group of people.. if its different group of people i have nothing to say.. but its the same group of people.. what are you trying to tell me now?

the word:'i don't want my life to be only work and relationship' really hurts me deeply.. i keep on thinking, is that the case? recently words that come out from your mouth is hurting me from times to times.. i just wish that you will be by my side when i am down and lead me the way out.. just a few comforting words and a hug from you will make me feel contented..

how do you differentiate between friends and lover? when u spend more time with the same group of people then with me? have u put yoursef into my shoes try thinking from my point of view? if i'm the one who's meeting the same group of people for 3consective days in a week, and the next following week i will still be spending my whole weekend with the same bunch of people again,will you like it?

at times i really wish that he does not have a car so that he won't be spending more time with them.. i know i am selfish.. but without car he will not be financially tight.. a car does really have it own convenience but to maintain it, its really expensive.. petrol, parking,maintainence etc..

last time, we will go out at least once a week but now different.. it's been a long time since we went out.. e last trip out is 5th july? am i really making a fuss? i think maybe in near future, the frequency will change to twice a month to once a month.. sometimes, i really wish that he will bring me along at least he will have time to spend with his friends and me but i don't know how to tell him this.. cause the thing is he never even open up his mouth out to ask me along.. i do not want him to bring me out unwillingly.. it defeats the purpose..anyway, i don't wish that things between us will be changed.. i don't want to be labelled as a possesive girlfriend.. i'm constantly afraid of losing him in my life, i feel more and more insecure..

i am all alone this weekend.. just let me disappear in this world of mine.. i'm far too stress up!!

i noe y i'm nv contented with the things i have now.. reasons being jotted by my friends r perfectionist,no one to exactly pin point out my wrongs..

i'm feeling out much better after pouring out my woes to the correct person.. thanks ashley &ruyou! thanks for being there for me.. my ex-shepherd and my best friend..

don't worry guys, i'm ok.. everybody have different ways of releasing their stress n unhappiness.. just that my way is different.. through starving is the way i can not hurt myself physically and being seen by others.. the longer i starved, the more i feel better.. perhaps,i'm too fat that's why when i see when i'm starving that's the best way to slim down, i felt so happy.. i cannot take it when i see my weight went up.. therefore, i continue to stave.. perhaps, i should say i feel guilty, therefore, i want to break my record of starving.. till dated, i have starved for 46 hours.. it's not that i does not want to eat..i did tried to have something swallow down my throat for the past few days, but whenever i try to have something i will feel very nauseous.. the feeling is terrible that's why i starve myself..

signing off from here