i'm really depressed, somehow i feel nobody in this world cares about me.. i have no one by my side now.. i need someone to talk to, will you be by my side?

at this moment, i felt really sick, i've been feeling very breathless, heartbeat beats very fast for 3 hours le.. i don't want to be tortured like this, god please take me away..
everything is far too much i can take it..

i've been very stress ever since after my chalet, really stress.. i felt very ashamed of my relatives, the next day i reaached home the 1st thing i do was to apologise to those who had attended my birthday party.. another thing that really bothers me is what kailian say about me.. you know when you tell me that, i'm really scared that i have made you no face in front of your friends but dear really i didn't... i don't know why she will say this.. i'm very scared you will leave me as you felt i really let you lost your self esteem in front of them.. that day, i finally broke down in front of you, i cried.. another thing, tuitions haven't been very smooth for me.. the yck parent want to terminate me, at this point of time i lost another source of income, my feeling was right,the parent don't like me.. next, i've been sending lots of resumes, going for interviews, but there was no response at all.. i don't know why.. everybody is saying that i'm not working hard enough to find a job, ask me to accept any amount of salary being offered.. but the fact is they don't want me..
my family is very financially tight and now i lost another source of income it is really a blow to me.. now, you and ruyou left me.. i really cannot take it.. dear, i really wanted to share all this with you but you say all this doesn't lead to the source of breaking up.. that day when you ask me about my msn nick, what do i want to be out of? my reply was 'put it just for fun'.. its not for fun, i really want to be out of everything.. out of this situation..

i really felt like ending everything, i meant my life, i already had my last word prepared.. everything is really really far too much of what i can take.. no one is at my side to support me and i really meant no one.. i'm really lonely in this world, i can't find anyone to stay by my side..
perhaps i really deserve this..

all this is so sudden, few days ago we were just celebrating our 9mth anniversary, going to my grandmother house together.. you just celebrated my 21st with me.. we were even planning for things.. you even asked me to join you for your godma birthday celebration.. everything came by is just so sudden that i can't accept..

you said, i need time to put down this relationship, to heal my pain.. but its not going to work.. you know i really set you as my only one, the last guy in my life, nothing else i can ever complain or unhappy with..we're the only one who know how much we've been through to be together.. i hope you will think of everything that we've been through, all our 1st time for each other.. 1st time we went sky dining, 1st time we felt so much in love with each other, 1st time we're so serious in r/s, on top of that there are still many other 1st time and sweet memories we done together..

junxuan has really fallen, please someone support her and guide her through..