trust me, i really tried to be strong to carry on the battle but i failed.. i have done my best.. i'm too tired to carry on anymore.. i pray to god, i ask him to take this child of his away if he know i'm suffering.. to stop all my sufferings and pain now..
if ever i were to leave this world, the greatest regret is i've failed to saved this r/s..

my mind was filled you, everything seems to be related to you.. i'm really tired, i really have lost the strength.. i really yearns for a hug, a hug from you to keep me carry on.. i took out the big elmo you gave me, whenever i look at him, i think of you.. i hug it real tight, tears rolled down as i think of our memories, the days we spent together.. i told elmo, how i wish you were right in front of me now, to keep me carry on, you will wipe my tears off my cheeks,hug me tight and a kiss on my forehead.. i look at the video you have made for our 8th month anniversary.. no matter when i open the clip it was still so touching, just like the day when i open the video clip.. tears would roll down ..

today you were suppose to meet me but in the end you told me you are not meeting me anymore.. you will meet me on saturday.. i know you are not ready to meet me, i understand and i won't force you..

i really wish i can be out of here, out of this 'shang xing di'.. i plan to go genting on my own to get some breathing space.. i don't know by doing this i will be feeling even worse or better.. one thing for sure that i know is, i can't take all this anymore, i need to be out of here.. let me disappear in this world for once..

one thing i want you to know, i know sometimes i tend to be naggy at you but i never thought of controlling you.. on top of that, sometimes I may ‘nag’ at you at things like, if you got money must save don’t anyhow spend. I know that you want to do many changes to your car but do it when you’re financially stable. Take things one at a step. Sometimes when you stay out late the whole night I will ask you to rest well, especially the next day if u have work, try not to rest so late, later the next morning you can’t concentrate on work.. I know friends maybe important but try not to get back home so late and get some rest..

dear, i will give you the time to be alone even though you have broken off with me.. i know you must have work too hard, that's why you need to be alone.. you have done a good job in maintaining this relationship through this far..

i felt really tired, but i couldn't fall asleep.. everyday i would only get the maximum of 2hr of sleep and i would wake up automatically.. i thought of using alcohol to make myself feel numb, at the very least i would be tired and can get some rest.. i wouldn't think of anything at that moment.. i have no appetite at all, i couldn't force anything down my throat,the moment i see food i felt nauseous.. i know i need food to keep me running but really i tried my best, whenever i see food i felt like vomitting..


someone please tell me what to do,lead me out of this place..