today is the most tormenting day of my life..how i wish that this day would never come.. i know i should be looking forward and not look back anymore.. but it really hurts... why the opposite of love is hurt?
the hurtest thing in this world is love.. do i really still have confidence in love the next time? will i be able to brace up and accept a new love?

whenever i see couples so loving and cuddling each other walking down the street, tears would roll down my cheek.. i would think of us .. how we teased and make fun of each other.. i warned myself many times not to let my tears roll down i got to be strong but i still failed.. the night is the lonliest and darkest moment of the day, this is the time that memories of us will run through my mind.. days that we spend together in the past was so happy and fufilling.. will you still ever think of us?

i did something wrong yesterday.. i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said those things to you on that night.. i really don't what make me say that and i don't really remember what i've said.. i shouldn;t have said those thing to you.. i drank a bit much that night..
will we still be friends?

i don't wish to hold on to you, but i really can't take all these.. everything happens so fast and no sign of warning.. so many things is happening to me.. i couldn't find someone to shoulder for me..
work,family,financial,r/s and many... can someone teach me how to let go? just opening your hands and it will go off?

i prayed everyday, i pray for strength to be stronger each day..
i felt like a failure, nothing was sucessful in my life.. i wish that i can find someone to talk to at times but i couldn't find someone.. work wasn't successful..
i wish my mum wouldn't be holding 2 jobs so that she can spend some time with me like in the past, we will talk things out.. i wish my dad would find a job and not staying at home and my mum wouldn't be so tiring.. whenever i see my mum working early in the morning till late night, i couldn't help but blame my dad.. i don't like to see him jobless and not doing anything to contribute to the family, he's a man and he should provide for us.. i wish i have a successful career so that my mum won't be working so hard now.. but i couldn't.. the illness that i have now is robbing my future.. my future has been destroyed.. i can't fulfil my dream anymore.. all these cruel facts are so devastating to me..

i'm planning for futher study and i mean FURTHER study.. i'll be going oversea to study.. my family will not be able to provide for me now.. i'll be taking up bank loan.. if everything goes well i might not be coming back anymore.. nothing here makes me hold back anymore.. i hope to start a new life afresh over there..