nothing can ever express my feelings right now.. everybody say its time that i ever needed.. don't give me the crap no one understand all the things that i'm going through right now..
how long do i ever need to put down everything..?i already given up hope.. i know i have to love myself right now but i hate myself..
i tried numbing myself with liqour.. i know it won't cure but at that very moment i can feel high and i can at least get to sleep.. i even tried to smoke which i hated the most..

i have so much things to say to you just now but i don't know why i will keep missing out things that i wanted to tell you.. even when i'm really sick just now i also make myself appear i'm ok in front of you.. i really held my emotions and i really thought that i will be much stronger this time, i won't teared.. i tried holding back my tears but in the end tears came before what i can say.. i just don't understand how can things become this way? there's no solution? the best solution that you guys can say is : time will heals everything, you just have to let go..
crap, crap,crap! i once thought x'mas is the happiest moment but right now it's the festival that i ever most afraid of.. its like rubbing salt into my wound!

i just hope that people saying these can put themself into my shoes.. everything that i've gone through so far till now isn't what all people of my age have gone through.. people who know me will know that my life isn't a smooth journey from the past till now.. sometimes people will be telling me i can't imagine someone so young like you have been through so much..
those who really knows me will know how much of effort i have been putting in, so if you don't know me you shouldn't judge me or make comment about me.. just because of something that come out from mouth will make me suffer for as long till i leave this world.. a casual comment coming out from your mouth can be a hurting statement to someone for life.. this statement is dedicated especially to those girls who hurt me very deeply..
i just don't know why i don't have 'girl' friends there will be many comments and bad things said about me.. i have never thought of fighting with them for anything.. i tried to be nice to everyone but somehow i expect 'something' in return.. hurting comments..

in the past, i hardly update my blog cause i don't want those who cared about me to worry so i keep all the things to myself but now i really cannot take it..

i just vomitted a few times.. i don't know why i never had anything for just now and there's still things to throw up.. still having fever and headache.. throat is damn irritating and so much phlegm inside..
keep waking up during the sleep cause keep vomitting..