been attending a few wakes this few months..
somehow life and death is just a line apart..
just returned from jia wei grandpa wake..

somehow, i don't feel like i'm attending one.. everybody seems to be letting go and accepting the fact he's gone..
somehow he can crap so many lame and ridiculous things in front of his late- grandpa..

i'm reminded of my late grandpa now, how he pass away..
i could still remember vividly though its about more than 10years ago..
my grandpa had lung cancer due to long years of smoking thats why i don't like people to smoke.. all of his daughters,sons,grand childrens, we were there to send him off his last journey.. during his last few days, the doctor ask us to bring him back and be prepared for the worse..
the old people always have this old mindset that even if they die they also want to die in their own house.. during his last day, everyone of us went down.. there was one moment i saw my auntie plucking off the breathing tube even though my grandpa was breathing, i was very angry and i really hated her for doing that..
though i was young but i know what i saw..
however, thinking back now, i don't hate my aunt now, i think she's brave enough.. she's letting go of my grandpa ending his sufferings, i can understand the pain of letting go of my grandpa now..

if ever i ever let down of anyone, that will be you..
i did owe you but i'm just sorry, we just couldn't really make another step further..
i don't ever want to lose another dear friend..
this thing has been going on for many years and it will stop eventually..

i'm not looking into any relationship at the moment and i'm focusing onto other areas of my life.. i'm still in the process of healing and i'm glad i made it through.. i won't use a new relationship to get over the previous one as it will hurt more parties.. though some may say to get over a relationship,the best way is to find a new partner but i don't agree..
maybe i'm just obstinate..